Someday

I've been sitting here tonight listening to the album Brave by Nichole Nordeman. I've listened to it quite a few times but it's not uncommon for me that something new pops out at me at different times. Tonight it was the song "Someday". I believe it was written in the context of Nichole's miscarriage of a baby. Obviously, I've not been through that experience, but it resonated with me nonetheless. I'm waiting for someday...

Someday
Nichole Nordeman

I believe in the rest of the story
I believe there’s still ink in the pen
I have wasted my very last day
Trying to change what happened way back when

I believe it’s the human condition
We all need to have answers to why
More than ever, I’m ready to say that I
Will still sleep peacefully
With answers out of reach from me until…

Someday all that’s crazy
All that’s unexplained
Will fall into place
And someday all that’s hazy
Through a clouded glass
Will be clear at last
And sometimes we’re just waiting
For someday

We are born with a lingering hunger
We are born to be unsatisfied
We are strangers who can’t help but wander
And dream about the other side of…

Someday all that’s crazy
All that’s unexplained
Will fall into place
And someday all that’s hazy
Through a clouded glass
Will be clear at last
And sometimes we’re just waiting
For someday

Every puzzle’s missing piece
Every unsolved mystery
More than half of every whole
Rests in the Hands that hold you for someday….

Someday all that’s crazy
All that’s unexplained
Will fall into place
And someday all that’s hazy
Through a clouded glass
Will be clear at last
And sometimes we’re just waiting
We're waiting for someday
We're just waiting
We are strangers...

I really need to start embracing this. Seriously. It's hard. I want answers and context and justice and all those things that our humanness calls out for - no matter our circumstance - but I know that every time I trust, it turns to good for me. I just have to hold on to that in the midst, not in the hindsight.

I have so many friends (I don't want to name them but I hope they know who they are) who are going through incredibly difficult "stuff" and the grace and courage and determination they're showing and the FAITH they are living just astound me! Marriage breakdown, dealing with the deaths of loved ones, living their lives in the NICU with their beautiful, tiny children - not the normal stuff, the HARD stuff. And all I see is beauty. Pure beauty.

I read their blogs and they're praising God in the midst. They're leaning on Him, they're witnessing to His Kingdom. They're stepping outside of themselves and being Christ. And even when they share the sorrow, the grief, the anger, the overwhelming emotion, there is still beauty. So much beauty.

I'm so thankful for their transparency and their willingness to share their stories. I feel so insignificant, so insecure, so unsure of my place, my direction and my calling. But their stories are teaching me lessons that are letting me live my life. Really live my life - not just exist within it. And I see fruit. Against my human reach of understanding, I see fruit.

I hurt and I question and I cry (a lot) and I wonder. But I know, KNOW that God is good. I don't completely understand my picture, my weaving, but I KNOW that He's got it under control. I just have to be present and see that in the now - not in hindsight.

I'm waiting for someday. With hope.

PS - Brave is a great album - pick it up if you can.